Trick or Treat!!!

I have a stray cat I've been feeding.  I already have a cat.  I don't need another cat. It's getting cold.

Now, I wouldn't do this, but I must admit that I fantasized of kids coming to the door, ringing the bell screaming, "Trick or Treat!!!"

That's when I'd open the door, throw a mad cat tied in a bag into their candy bag, yell "Trick!" ...then slam the door and turn off the porch light.

Want a cat?  I never tried putting it in a bag, so it's still sane.

Why Vampires Live Forever...

With Halloween approaching, I got to thinking about how much I liked it as a child. Then, I thought a little further. 

Hey!  Maybe vampires look young forever because they get 'transfusions' from young people with growth hormones (ask Lance Armstrong) and hang upside down half the time (no sagging).

That's what happens when you're over 50 and thinking of Halloween.

Running Away From Home...

FYI:  There are two times in life you cannot have a hissy-fit and run away from home without cops being called: Under 16 or over 86.  That's all I'm saying.

Senior Discount?!?!!

Went with my son (18) and a few friends to see a movie.  We were running late, of cxourse, so I tell my son, "Give me your movie money, I'll get the tickets, get your snacks."

The next morning, he comes over with his friends and says, "Hey, you owe me a couple of bucks."  "What?" I ask.  "Yeah, they gave you $2 off each ticket for being a senior."

They knew the reaction, and about peed their pants:
"Are you kidding me?!?!!  A senior discount?!?!!  I have half a mind to go back to that theatre, ask for the manager, and demand they charge me $2 more per ticket"!!!

Stealing Street Signs..

So, I'm in Cincinnati where I grew up and my parents' home is off of Tylersville Road.  My son's name is Tyler.

Over the years many subdivisions have appeared.  Now there's a 'Tylers Way,' 'Tylers Court,' 'Tylers Glen.'  You get it.

So I drive around looking to 'borrow' a sign and think ..nah.  I call the Road Commission.  Here's how it goes.

"Hey. Road Commission?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah.  I need two road signs.  One for 'Tylers Way,' and one for 'Tylers Place.'"
"You from the Township?"
"No.  I'm an individual."
"Uh.  Usually we get calls from the township ..when one's missing."
"If I were 30 years younger that's exactly the call you'd be getting , cuz I'd taken it.  You going to sell me one or meet me later to hold the step stool and flashlight?"

He's gonna LOVE Christmas!!!