Of Eyesight and Age

It seemed not more than a week after I turned 40 I realized I had 'sight issues.'

Since then I have realized that the older one gets, the worse the eyesight. Most consider this a curse; I believe it to be a gift from God. Let me explain.

Your eyesight deteriorates at about the same rate as your body. So, no matter what your age, you can step out of the shower, look in the mirror and say, "Still lookin' good!"

And that's a gift!!

Of Texting and Riding

We all know why we shouldn't 'text and drive.' I want to address why we shouldn't 'text and ride.'

Before cell phones, all child passengers such as myself were left to talk or look out the window. You'd notice the hawk perched atop a pole, or how the trees' shadows played upon the snow. You'd talk.

Why don't we all take that little bit of time to interact with the one with whom we are riding? Why not talk about what we see, or what we think? If you don't experience life, what's there to text about?

Of Gender and Hearing Loss

I've got a friend in his mid-fifties who thought it time to get his hearing tested.

After the tests were completed the Dr. told him, "You have normal hearing loss for a man your age. It's primarily in your right ear, and in the tonal mid-range." My friend asks, "Might that be the 'range' of a woman's voice"? "Why, yes, it is," the Dr. answered.

"That makes sense," my friend replied, "I usually drive"!

Of 'Universal Signs'

My sister is right; we need a new 'Universal Sign.'

She's not talking about the likes of the 'hands-around-the-throat' sign for choking, rather the ones we use when driving. I agree.

If you reach a 4-way stop at the same time as another, one waves the other on. If someone lets you in front of them on the expressway, you give a 'thanks' wave over your seat once you've changed lanes.

We need to come up with one for 'I'm so sorry, my bad.'

Of True Valentines

It's a few minutes until Valentine's Day, but true love knows no day, no year, no minute.

My parents are 85 and have been married for 61 years; but wait.

They still kiss when they first meet at the breakfast table. They read each other articles from the paper. They hold hands. They think the other is the funniest, most loving, most annoying person they could never live without.

May we all, once in our lifetime, have a Valentine's Day with such a person.

Happy Valentine's Day, Mom and Dad!!

Of Saying "I'm Sorry"

I have a rule. If you yell and scream and then realize that you are wrong, you must apologize with equal furor.

So, Jr. recently found himself on the 'wrong side' of this rule.

"I'm sorry," he says meekly. I ask, "For..?" He answers. But he was not done; "Because..?" "And..?" "And so..?" "Because..?" "So, what you're saying is..?"

Hey, I'm trying to raise a good husband here!

Of Fortune Cookies

Laminated and attached to the front of my fridge are two fortune cookie slips.

A few months ago, I got Chinese carry-out. They gave me two fortune cookies. The first one opened read, "Smile! A smile will make you young forever." The second one opened read, "Smile when you are ready."

Of E-Mails and the Calendar

If there was a game show where they showed you one day's unwanted e-mails and asked you to guess, within two weeks, the time of the year when it was received.... I'd nail it.

I've recently received a lot of e-mails for cookware and software (must have had a bad Christmas.) I've been sent every 'meeting' site, and everything for 'if that goes well'; jewelry, flowers, cruises 'etc.'

Everyone is worried about my Rx coverage, that I get the most back from my taxes, that my IRA is safely invested and that my credit score is OK. I have been invited to learn how to melt/remove/add-to or disguise things.

If there were such a game show, my answer would be: "I'll like to put $10,000 on 'What is between January 31st and Valentine's Day,' please."

Ah-HA!! (Whew!)

I had started to question whether I may be getting 'memory issues.'

A few months back I woke up and thought, "Did I mark next week's hair appt. on the calendar?" Nope, but when I showed up, I didn't have an appt. Yet, I knew I had made it. I could remember what I was wearing when I called, that I had a cup of coffee and the paper...

Then, I call Mom to update her on something we had discussed earlier and she has no idea what I'm talking about. This had happened enough times over the course of the last 3 mos. that I was starting to get concerned ...until...

A couple of weeks ago I noticed I was getting low on TP (with teen boys that's anything less than 12 rolls.) I forget until I replace a roll, so I've been to the store (and forgotten) a few times since. BUT, I caught me!

Last night I had a dream I remembered. It was the most mundane dream ever. In it I awoke, showered, got dressed, made coffee, got the mail and paid bills. I then went to the grocery and, along with other items, bought TP!!! I paid, drove home, etc. (I know, really?).

Ah-HAH!! I caught me!! I immediately got up to check; no TP! It then hit me. I've been messing with my own mind!

Hey. In our mind there's the 'emotional' you, the 'aggressive' you, etc. As soon as I find out which 'you' of mine thinks this is funny, they're dead!!